Christmas Cake - cooking recipe

Ingredients

Ingredients
1 cup water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 (1500 ml) bottle vodka
2 cups dried fruit

Preparation

Sample the Vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again.
to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it is best to make sure that the Vodka is shtill OK.
try another cup-- just in case.
Turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in a cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit up off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next sift two cups of salt.
Or something.
Who giveshz a whip.
Check the Vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally throw the bowl through the window, finish the Vodka and kick the cat.
Cherry Mistmas!