Best Rum Cake Ever - cooking recipe

Ingredients

1 or 2 qt. rum
1 c. butter
1 tsp. sugar
2 large eggs
1 c. dried fruit
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. lemon juice
1 c. walnuts, chopped

Preparation

Before ya start, sample the rum to check for quality.
Good, isn't it?
Now go ahead.
Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
Check the rum again.
It must be just right.
To be sure rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
Repeat.
With electric mixer, beat 1cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 seaspoon of thougar and beat again.
Meanwile, make sure the rum is of the finest quality.
Try another cup.
Open second quart if necessary. Add large leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high.
If druit get stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the rum again, checking for tonscisticity.
Next, sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesen't matter).
Sample the rum again. sift 1/2 pint lemon juice, fold in chopped butter and strined muts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or what- ever color you can find.
Wix mel.
Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350.
Pour the whole mess into the cover, and ake.
Check the rum again and bo to ged.