Rice Pilaf - cooking recipe

Ingredients

1 1/2 qt. long grain brown rice
1/2 oz. granulated onion
1/4 tsp. black pepper
3 oz. vermicelli
1/2 lb. butter
2 c. mushrooms
1 1/2 oz. chicken base
1 1/2 teriyaki sauce
2 1/4 qt. water

Preparation

Measure 3 cups flour into a large bowl. Answer the telephone. Take large bowl off small son's head and sweep floor.
Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl.
Measure 1/4 cup shortening. Answer doorbell.
Wash shortening from small son's hands and face.
Add 1/4 cup shortening to flour.
Mix well. Rock crying baby for 10 minutes. Answer telephone. Put son in tub. Scrub well. Scrape flour and shortening mixture from kitchen floor.
Add enough tears to relieve tension.
Open 1 can of beans and serve with remaining strength.