Elephant Stew - cooking recipe

Ingredients

1 elephant
12,000 whole bay leaves
500 lb. white potatoes, diced
100 stalks celery, diced
100 onions, diced
1,000 tomatoes, diced
500 bunches carrots, diced
2 rabbits (optional)
500 (8 oz.) cans tomato sauce
200 (5 oz.) pkg. paprika
200 (9 oz.) adobo seasoning
50 garlic pods, sliced
150 (15 oz.) whole oregano
brown gravy (as desired)

Preparation

Cut elephant into bite size pieces. This should take about 2 months. Cover and cook over fire (kerosene) for about 4 weeks at 465\u00b0. This will serve 3,800 people. Add the rest of the ingredients.
If more are expected, two rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary as most people do not like to find hare in their stew.